I found my post-Institute reflection from this summer, and reading it again at the end of the year may have helped me to re-focus. I was terrified of starting Teach for America in Chicago and later teaching in Jacksonville, but this is how I felt after I had made it through five weeks of "teacher boot camp". I'd like to share it here for anyone who wants to read it.
I came into Institute practically
terrified of…just about everything. Even
before being accepted into the corps I had started to hear horror stories of
Institute and tireless work, no sleep, and demon children our for blood. I heard that we would cry everyday, and while
some said that that was expected and it was OK, others simply quoted “a sad
teacher is a bad teacher.” Thank you for preying on my worst fears, I
would think. It’s not like my nightmare is being the most ineffective, sad teacher in
Chicago and later Jacksonville…
No, I am of course supremely
confident in my inexperience and lack of teacher skills. Please continue
telling me how hard I am about to fall on my face. I was worried, maybe understandably. But then something wonderful happened: Institute started.
I was so consumed with figuring
out all the intricacies of living at IIT, navigating the L, making sure I didn't miss my bus (whoops, guess I did a bad job of that one), and trying not
to miss all my sessions, that I was surviving
Institute, even succeeding in it,
simply because I was forced to look at everyday minute by minute, session by
session, day by day.
I have had some horrible days
here. Days where I bomb my lesson by
teaching to the wrong objective or executing bad classroom management or
missing my bus or getting my schedule switched at the last second or finally
“breaking the seal” and crying at school (and then later into my macaroni and
cheese at dinner). Oh, did I mention all
of those things happened on the same day? Yep.
Institute tried to break me – but
because I had tensed myself for battle, I was ready for it. And despite my penchant for crying when I get
frustrated or overwhelmed, I spent all but two days here dry-eyed. I took every day as a new challenge. Each new lesson plan was another chance at
inspiring my kids and teaching them something they had been told they “just
can’t learn.” I hope that this mindset carries over into my region, because as
of right now, it is saving my life.
It has. It did.
