how do you know?

When does one discover that he or she is immortal?

Surely it's not all as cut and dry as vampires make it seem. Sure, you get sired, you die, you rise again, you live forever. Never aging past that point.

But then there are stories like Tuck Everlasting. All the poor Tuck family did was drink from a spring! And there was no warty old witch or enchanted crow or strongly-worded sign to warn them against it. They were just thirsty.

don't drink the Kool-aid, Rory

In the book, the family discovers they are immortal because some mortal peril befalls their cat (or horse? it's been a while)  but the cat doesn't die. Like magic or something. And then the horse gets injured, and one of the family gets mortally wounded or something - anyway! No one dies. Musta been that darn spring water!

BUT what if it's not that easy? What if some new magic made you immortal and you had no way of tracing it back?  It could have been as simple as eating an avocado between 12:36 and 12:37 AM on a Friday the 13th.  It could have been winning six games of Monopoly in a row (maybe over several years).  It could have been letting an old lady have your seat on the bus (because, let's face it, most old ladies on the bus are probably gypsies). 

but then again, gypsies come in all shapes and sizes. Don't drink the Kool-aid, Meryl Streep!

My point is, when do you start to notice you're not aging? In our society, it's possible to avoid mortal injury for several years at a time! How are you supposed to know you're immortal if it was an accident?
Eventually the comments have to stop being "Jen, you look amazing!" and start sounding more like "That bitch Jen is back. How is her- what is her... face... doing- how does she...? ...Bitch."  And even then, when would you start to notice?

I sure hope I'm not accidentally immortal.
Everyone would hate or fear me, I'd outlive everyone I love, and I'd have to see 6 more Transformers movies squeeze their way into theaters.

and to think some people would kill to live forever...

I'm lookin at you, Voldemort.

make me a match

I really wanted to watch Driving Lessons, but sadly the technology available to me does not read the "back-up" copy of the movie I have. Looks like I won't be enjoying a moody Rupert Grint set to a soundtrack by Sufjan Stevens tonight after all. Mreh.
Instead, I am watching the movie The Matchmaker. I don't want to sound too hipster, but if you haven't heard of it, I'm not surprised.

Shit. That sounds incredibly hipster.

I will set the scene:
Janeane Garofalo is (surprise!) a single and cynical thirtysomething sent to Ireland for work and finds herself in the middle of the annual matchmaking festival.  She scoffs at romance in general and ignores the beauty of the Irish countryside because she just needs to get her job done, goddammit, and get home. It's kind of like a Katherine Heigl movie in the 90s. Except with less attractive people and more sheep. Everything goes wrong, no one is moving fast enough, and her hotel room is frustratingly inadequate. But amidst all this turmoil and the horror of spending a week among verdant countryside and friendly people, might she find love where she least expects it?  Well, you're just going to have to watch it and find out for yourself.

I like it.  There's a reason I put it in, of course. I have only seen it once and can't quite remember if I liked it or not, but I just finished watching The IT Crowd through the 4th season, and I find myself thirsting for more Irish accents.  Maybe I should have watched The Commitments. ...maybe I'll watch it next. But for now I am watching The Matchmaker and it is the perfect match for my movie-watching needs right now.  Even if it doesn't feature Rupert Grint.


by the way, if you haven't already, and I haven't already told you, and you haven't already bugged me to watch it for several months, then you should watch The IT Crowd. Go on. Scoot on over to Netflix for a few hours.

bad music

I was driving around town yesterday and listening to music on the radio when I realized that music on the radio is crap.

I know, duh. But not just the Top 40 stuff. I reached some sort of perfect storm yesterday when everything playing on the radio was just...bad. And that is when I stumbled across a certain song.

 Before I reveal this song, let me first define the term "guilty pleasure." According to wikipedia, the end-all-be-all knowledge source of the web, "A guilty pleasure is something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. The "guilt" involved is sometimes simply fear of others discovering one's lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes."

Nowadays, in the age of hipster, liking something of "lowbrow taste" can be seen as ironic, and thus not embarrassing at all but rather a nugget of hipster street cred. However, a hipster could like something mainstream and feel guilty about it, like secretly enjoying Budweiser more than PBR.
In fact owning up to enjoying a certain song or movie despite it's lowbrow qualities may render it no longer a guilty pleasure. I'm not sure, I only just began exploring the intricacies of this term.

The song that came on the radio made me instantly stop surfing channels and start turning up the volume and singing at the top of my lungs. And that song, embarrassingly enough, was Evanescence's Bring Me to Life. I remembered all the words and couldn't stop my self from singing out loud.  I checked the windows to make sure they were securely closed, and tried not to be obvious about my singing enthusiasm when I stopped at a traffic light. It reminded me of middle school. It reminded me how everyone has a dark period in their life. We all experience our own musical dark ages.  Mine, like many of my compadres, involved Evanescence and Good Charlotte.

I also began singing along to other songs on the radio. I had opened a flood gate. It was a little like this:




So here I am, sharing my guilty pleasure. What's yours?

we have popcorn at home

My online movie services are harrassing me. So I did something about it. That's right! I stood up to the bullies.

A few weeks ago, my friends and I meandered over to the Blockbuster on East Bay and reveled in the glory of three dollar DVDs and close-out candy.  Like almost every other Blockbuster, this store is being liquidated. Is that the right word? I don't care. It's closing and EVERYTHING MUST GO. Including the gumball machine. True story.

So we perused the stacks of discs for what seemed like hours, found a few keepers and proceeded to check out. I got distracted by the discount candy and popcorn (did you know Orville Redenbacher makes "Spicy Nacho" popcorn? I wish I didn't.) and became fixated by the popcorn that comes in its own bucket (just like at the movies!).  The kind I always begged my mom for and never got because "we have popcorn at home." Exactly. Boring popcorn. Popcorn that comes in a bag. How blasé. 

So I bought it. And it was the perfect size to store my new movies in! When I approached the check-out counter, the man working there informed me that if I signed up for a Blockbuster online that I would get some fantastic percentage off my final purchase. And of course I agreed. It was free and would get me extra movies for a month! And that's how I signed up for Blockbuster in addition to my well-used Netflix account and bought three movies and a bucket of popcorn for $6.

End of story? Not quite.

Apparently signing up for this Blockbuster thing was not enough. It wants attention. It wants love. But sadly for Buster, I already have a movie love, and that is Netflix. So Buster got jealous. It seethed as I spent hours enjoying movies and TV online and cursed as I basked in the new excitement of connecting the x-box to this wonderful online service. Eventually Buster grew tired of expecting me to notice how mad it was and started trying to remind me it was there.

Email from: BLOCKBUSTER online: Your queue is low- add new titles. Now. 

Buster was angry. And hurt. I ignored it again.
A movie came in the mail. I forgot about it. Eventually I watched it and sent it back. Another came. I forgot again.

So what did I do? I deleted it for good today, and turned my attention fully to Netflix once again. I feel guilty for treating Blockbuster the way I did, but the truth is it deserved better. And I just don't have the devotion or attention to give.

And Netflix welcomed me back with open arms. It knows what I like:
"British Comedies with Strong Female Leads" or "Emotional Father-Son Comedies" or "Witty Workplace Sitcoms" or "Cerebral British Period Pieces."
It gets me.

And I am happy.

OK. so about Valentine's day...

For some reason people were worried about me being lonely on Valentine's Day. Because I am currently unattached, this must mean that V-day means Single's Awareness Day (SAD) and upon the stroke of midnight incurs uncontrollable sobbing and self-deprecation.  Not so.

This Valentine's Day (or as Harrison put it "Clearance Chocolates Eve") was amazing! I enjoyed many of the same things couples do on this loveliest of love days:

1. Valentines- dinosaurs and chocolates and a hand-drawn one on my door that said "let's stick together" with a little happy-faced glue bottle
2. Expressions of love from loved ones- my parents sent me a package full of my fiddle music!
3. Serenades- I had a song written about me by the lovely Katelyn Carter and got to hear some new Brother stuff from Shane (:fan girl squee:)
4. Pink things!- clothes and shoes and cupcakes!
5. Treating myself for no reason other than it being the 14th of February- I enjoyed a very delicious and free coffee from Starbucks and a Chocolate Strawberry cupcake from Cupcake. 
6. Dinner with loved ones- even if it was at Liberty cafeteria...

The day was near perfect. However, I did get a rather annoying text message. This is how I read it (witnesses will assure you it was not much different):

Hey Claire! It's that guy you are friendly acquaintances with from church who hasn't talked to you since I started dating that girl that you don't talk to anymore! So anyway, I invited a real good friend of mine (read: lonely fellow-Navy-man) to my intimate Valentine's dinner with me and that girl who hasn't talked to you since freshman year. I was hoping you could drop whatever you're doing this evening to come out with us and make him feel like he isn't a third wheel (which he totally is). Let's face it, you are probably just watching sappy chick flicks and shopping for cats on the internet, because that's what single girls do, right? So come out with us tonight (it's 6:35, so that gives you enough time to put on deodorant at least) instead of sobbing into your ice cream! I'm totally paying for everything. See how nice I am? ;) K bye.  

Several problems with this:

1. no, I don't want to double date with a friendly acquaintance, a stranger, and a girl with a grudge against me.
2. it's 6:35. I already had dinner.
3. I could have romantic dinner plans of my own!
4. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I will take every desperate stranger you throw at me! Show me a picture first. And does he like Muse?
5. why did you invite that guy to your V-day dinner? To get him a date. And your girlfriend is in a sorority full of single girls, so I am pretty sure I was far down on a list of possibilities. It was 6:35. Now I am many-times insulted.

Luckily, I got this about an hour after he sent it, so I had a more legitimate excuse than "ummm...no." But seriously. Like I had nothing better to do!

challenge!

See if you can name the movies from these quotes!

1. Who’s scruffy lookin’?

2. I’m not Josie Grossy anymore!

3. That Sergeant Angel's coming into your shop. Get a look at his arse.

4. How come when I wanted to ask Eunice out everyone made fun of me, but then Sebastian likes her and suddenly she's cool? Screw you guys. I hate high school.

5. Someone's ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it...

6. What a fitting end to your life's pursuits. You're about to become a permanent addition to this archaeological find. Who knows? In a thousand years, even you may be worth something.

7. We are men of action, lies do not become us.

8. It’s not slime! It’s mucus!

9. If the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists!

10. Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

the lost boys

I finally saw Lost Boys.

There are a lot of things to be said.

1. the Coreys were ridiculous. And now one is dead. Which is pretty sad.
2. the fake blood was awful. It made me want cherry Kool-aid
3. Jason Patric is a dreamboat.
4. Jack Bauer officially scares the shit out of me.
5. what? Rory Gilmore's grandfather is a vampire? THE vampire??
6. the concert scene almost made me pee my pants. body oil + huge pony tail + SAXOPHONE = me laughing uncontrollably through a fairly important scene, it turns out.
7. Bill (of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, you know, the one who's NOT Keanu Reeves) must have famous parents. Seriously, how does someone with a face like that get into show business?

Overall, I really enjoyed it. Here is my favorite scene:




If I ever get a husky, I'm naming him Nanook.

what's with all the dystopia?

So I finally picked up my next book for book club, A Clockwork Orange.

When we were deciding on books in the spring, most of the suggestions were ones we never read in high school but felt like we should have. So far, East of Eden has been my favorite and is going on my list of Top Ten Books I Didn't Want to Read Originally, But Ended Up Enjoying. Included on the list are Name of the Wind and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? However, I don't think this new book is going to make that list (but then again, that's the nature of the list, isn't it?)

I'm getting a bit burnt out on dystopia. So many of the books we read in high school take place in a sad, grey future where problems during the date of publication are amplified to the nth degree. Books like Farenheit 451, Anthem, 1984, and Brave New World paint pictures of a dismal future where everyday man has accepted a life without books, or names, or become dependent on drugs like soma to endure the sad state of the world. Even my favorite book in elementary school, The Giver, depicts a future without color and without memory.

I fear for the future. I am sure that within 50 years, the oceans will be polluted or dried up, nuclear war will break out, robots will rebel, and aliens will plumb our green planet for needed resources. And I am "sure" of this because of the countless books I have read that tell me that our future is depressing and dark. That the sun will burn out and men and women will be used as batteries for large sentient machines.Look at the movie Wall-E! Earth is a dump, humans have fled the earth, and the only creature remaining in the rubble (that doesn't require solar charging) is a cockroach. No doubt the people that produce these movies and novels hope to influence people; to induce change and new thinking that could save us. But I don't feel empowered and capable of change. I feel crushed by the weight of outstanding evidence that tells me the future will suck. I feel powerless and scared.

The only solution to NOT feeling scared, I believe, is to stop reading these books. But it may be too late. Especially since I have to read this one for book club.

OR I can just concentrate on the movies and books with good futures. Like...

• Back to the Future II
• Star Trek
• ...that's all I can think of.

eye-popping

So I just watched 28 Days Later for the first time ever. I know.

I love movies. Especially thrillers. Especially thrillers with ambiguous names. Especially thrillers with ambiguous names about the zombie apocalypse. But NOT thrillers with ambiguous names about the zombie apocalypse starring Cillian Murphy, featuring him popping NON-INFECTED people's eyeballs just because he's feeling a bit overprotective.It's just a surprise that I've never seen this until tonight.

But not as big of a deal of never hearing the song American Pie, as my friend admitted to a shocked trivia team last week.

I still don't believe her.

total eclipse

So this might sound lame, but I am confused and saddened because I am not seeing the new Twilight movie at midnight.

Wait, wait, hear me out:

The movie saga started when I was starting my freshman year at CofC, when I was fresh from a summer of inhaling these novels like sweet sweet oxygen. I was glad to find other people, like my new roommates, who were equally excited, and we bought tickets and saw the movie at midnight at Palmetto Grande theater in Mount Pleasant.

I mention that because most people don't believe me when I say we don't have a movie theater on the peninsula. We don't. Movie nights are a rarity because of the money, gas, time and coordination required. Remember, college students are first and foremost lazy sacks of nothing.

So early into my college career, I embarked with new friends on a special night out to see the first installment at midnight. I then saw it a few more times, once literally kidnapping someone and stealing them away to the theater.

The next movie came out and some more friends came, as well as the original group. Something about waiting for hours in a line to see a movie you may regret the next morning (simply because of the showtime, not the quality) really bonds people together.

So it is with some sadness that I realize that tonight will pass without incident. Without joining a now traditional group for a new movie. Even though I may not have the same level of enthusiasm I did two years ago, I feel weird being at home surrounded by family instead of in a crowded theater surrounded by horny teenage girls. But that's life.

...so if someone wants to see it tomorrow, I'm in.

if anyone has any wishes, let me know because I'm batting 1000

We had a huge storm last night, with all it's scary rumbling thunder and flashes of lightning. Usually when it starts storming like that, I get a very real urge to watch Jurassic Park. And I usually do. Something about the ultimate surround sound, I guess. Last night it started while we were watching Buffy, so I was happy. As long as it's adding to the fear factor of something.

Then when I went up to sleep, I settled into clean sheets and cracked open East of Eden (which I am reading for book club). The sound of the rain always makes me feel extra comfortable and safe. Soon I couldn't read anymore because my eyelids were too heavy and I went to sleep to the pattering of rain outside my window.

I love rainstorms.

But I love them even more when I can make them work for me. Like adding to the scariness of a movie or putting me to sleep.




OR HAVING LIGHTNING STRIKE THE SPLASHGROUND, ALLOWING ME TO HAVE A DAY OFF!!!!!!

peace. Thank you, thunderstorm.

a typical night home

So I am left home with my brothers tonight while my parents are out at some country club function with relatives. They took the good car and abandoned me with Ryan. So let me tell you what that means:

Ryan is a thirteen year old boy. And for any of you who ever wondered "what is the worst age for a younger brother to be?" you would have your answer in the number 13.
He is helpful and considerate at his best, but usually spends his time farting, muttering sarcastic comments in a stage whisper, or trying to break my fingers.
Right now he is playing a video game. Which means I don't hear much from him except the occasional overly loud groans and the deep thud of his foot hitting the wall. In a while, either his eyes will be tired or he will get fed up with a level he can't beat and he will come looking for a fight. Or possibly to watch Buffy. I can never anticipate which way it's going to go.

Luckily, I also have to pick up Sean from work soon, so that at least adds another element to this hormonal puzzle that could either result in a pleasant evening bonding with my brothers over a movie, or stomping upstairs and doors slamming.

Let's see, shall we?

let the right one in

I was recently invited to watch a movie with a friend from high school. It was last night, to be exact. I think that's pretty recent. Instead of some dumb cheerleader movie (Fired Up) we watched Swedish vampire film Let the Right One In, or as he referred to it: "Swedish Twilight." Indeed, the movie centered around a vampire "love story," though in a thoroughly different fashion. Eli, a "twelve" year-old vampire girl moves in next door to a nearly albino child named Oskar accompanied by her "friend" (a 47 year old man who sedates strangers, hangs them upside down from a tree or a lockerroom shelf, and drains their blood into a Tupperware container which, let's face it, probably came from Ikea).

Of course, as the common name would suggest, they have a puppy love romance. As vampire lore (and especially Twilight) goes, she warns him to stay away from her. He confesses he likes her after she climbs through his window and into bed with him (naked...those Swedes) and asks her to go steady. Earlier she asks if he would still like her if she weren't a girl. he says yes, which is good, because she's not. And not in the not-a-girl-but-a-creature-of-the-night type of way, but in the castrated-boy-bitten-by-vampire way. This nugget is displayed in a scene in which she changes into his mothers dress (hers is covered in blood of course) and he peeks through the door and sees a lack of "stuff" in the downstairs region. I did not understand this. I was pretty appalled at the movie at this point and was in shock that they even showed a downstairs region, so I had to read this online.

There are too many interesting/gory things about this movie to disclose in this post. If you're looking for a movie with lots of snow, bloody hermaphrodite kiss scenes, Swedish bullies, switchblades, alcoholism, acid-drenched faces, and Rubik's cubes, I highly recommend it. In fact, I recommend it for anyone not necessarily looking for any of those things. As horror movies go, I was sincerely creeped out by this movie. As I said after it finished, it was not pee-in-your-pants scary, but definitely made you nervous to go to sleep. Luckily, Eli is a fairly gentle vampire shemale, so I rarely felt threatened that she would pounce out of my closet at my slender neck, as I usually am.

On the box some newspaper or off-beat magazine claimed it was the "best. vampire movie. ever." Maybe not. But I would say "most. Swedish. vampire movie. ever" and that's from the heart.