qna

It worked!

What exactly is your job going to consist of? How do you like your eggs? If you could go anywhere in the world dressed like any animal, where/what would it be and why? -Jenna

wow. That is a actually quite a few questions. Which I deeply appreciate. You have accomplished this assignment beautifully, Jenna. I am going to respond to these one at a time, instead of all simultaneously (if you are wondering, THAT answer is "donknscsufinlhare." Which just doesn't make any sense).

• My job- well, isn't that a mystery. I will know more after our orientation tomorrow morning, but for now, my understanding is that I will be supervising small children skip through a cavalcade of glorified sprinklers known as a "splash park" at a city park, hopefully while wearing an important-looking t-shirt and sporting a whistle around my neck like all the pros do. And I will also get to sell concessions out of an air-conditioned hut and disappoint approximately 12 kids per hour with the response: "no, we don't sell Dip n' Dots anymore." Oh, and I get to run birthday parties!
  

• eggs. An important issue. I like my eggs scrambled, usually. My dad makes them with bacon pieces cooked inside sometimes. This is delicious. He originally called them boyscout eggs, because apparently when you're camping (like a boyscout) it's easiest just to cook everything together. Sometime between brownies and junior girl scouts I convinced him to change the name to "scout eggs" because it was a gender neutral term and therefor less sexist. Sexism and breakfast are not a good combo. Like Oreos and orange juice. Or country music and 80's-style workout montages. Just doesn't work.

• Final question! I would stay far away from Tokyo, I'll tell you that much. They have those weird furry fetishists... Hmm. I would disguise myself as a bear and hide by the Vienna sausages at the grocery store. And by hide, I mean just stand there. Can you imagine how many people I could save by scaring them away from such a hideous processed meat project? At least 8.

What Star Wars planet would you most want to live on? -Marca

• According to Tom Scott's Star Wars weather forecaster, it is currently "like Tatooine out there!" Big surprise. I would definitely not live on Tatooine. Two suns? REALLY, Tatooine? Also, I don't look very good in oatmeal/sand colors.
  

• I would live on Alderaan. I know what you're thinking "WHAT? That place BLEW UP!" I know. Hear me out. It was apparently very beautiful and peaceful when Leia lived there, you know, before it was blasted by the Death Star. They also had some spunk, rebelling against the Galactic Alliance. Plus, I would place a bunch of bets on how long the planet would last and then win all kinds of money because I would escape with all the rich people before the planet blows up and point and say "See? 5:00 on Wednesday. Cough it up." Then I would move to Naboo. But I would stay the eff away from the Gungans because they are all super annoying.
  

This was fun! More questions, please!

mom, this is a hipster

Mom,

this is what a hipster is:

http://www.latfh.com/

?

I really want to write today, but I have nothing to say. Not that that usually stops me.

It's at times like this I wish I had a huuuuge readership and I could just say: "I have nothing to say. Post some questions in the comments and I'll answer them."

So I'm gonna try it anyway.


I have nothing to say. Post some questions in the comments and I'll answer them!


Oh, and in the mean time, do read Ask the Bloggess and enjoy.

praying mantis

This morning, I woke up early. But that's not important.

I was going to my youngest brother's graduation from fifth grade. After fourteen years with at least one DeBuys at our elementary school, we were finally saying goodbye. But that's not important.

It was raining, which completely destroyed my idea for an outfit. I really wanted to wear these brown leather riding-style boots with a cute dress, but it's a monsoon outside so leather is a bad idea. Anyway, I decided to just wear some jeans and a top and really high wedges to keep my feet away from the water. That's not important.

The point of this story is that my mother told me I looked like a praying mantis.

I took it as slightly insulting (a BUG. an ugly, man-eating, monstrous, green thing). She insists it was a compliment(because she thinks they're "elegant" and my legs are long[which she also insists is a compliment and not some comment about the abnormal proportions of my body]).

Thoughts?

neutron star collision

ok, so my job doesn't officially start in full force until Memorial day. So...the blah is still here. For now.

Things making me angry today:

• I feel like a lump. par for the course.
• my book club book (which starts Saturday, so I gotta read up) Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut was $15. FIFTEEN DOLLARS. It's a paperback. AND the B&N lady wouldn't let me use my mother's educator's discount card. Because I am not my mother. Of course.
  
• apparently my text messages aren't actually sending.
  
• half priced Frappuccino happy hour is over at Starbucks. Like I need to spend the money anyway. Stupid book sucked me dry.

Alright, now. Things making me happy today:

• it's not so hot today!
• I have half a pint of Americone Dream in the freezer :D
  
• Muse's new single Neutron Star Collision!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. and I am listening to it right now. check it out here

Oh, one more thing making me angry:

• Muse's new single Neutron Star Collision was released because it is on the Eclipse Soundtrack.

Alright, this is making me mad simply because of it's connection to the Twilight saga, which is weird. I used to be a pretty big fan of Twilight. I read the books (multiple times. like, a lot of times.) and saw the movies (at their midnight releases. I know). I had the calendar, the soundtracks, and I even own a Team Edward t-shirt. Somewhere amid the frenzy for the movies, I lost interest. It's easy to get so wrapped up in the books, because they are basically romance novels for tweens. Once I was a bit further removed from reading them, the movies began to look ridiculous. I lost any attraction to R Pattz or Taylor Lautner. Kirsten Stewart is clearly regretting signing on. You can just tell how bored she is with the whole situation and that she's thinking back to when she first agreed to act in this seemingly indie-ish off-color "vampire" movie, wishing she could have done the "Heathers" remake or whatever else she was considering at the time instead.

I will probably see the next movie, though most of my friends here (as opposed to campus) made fun of me for reading them in the first place. Which is probably why I read them.

enjoy :)

frogs are loud too

My mother does not believe in air conditioning. At least that's what I tell people. In fact, the resistance to air conditioning that my mother puts up until peak days of summer is more based in finances than any odd belief system. Anyway. This means the first month of summer vacation is spent with all the windows open, fans at breakneck speed (I mean that literally), and sheets kicked to the bottom of the bed.

Every morning through my open window I am berated by a cacophony of horny birds chirp-chirping to potential mates and whist-whistling about the glorious morning sun. Some of them even start to sound like they're saying something: one bird says "GERmaneee GERmaneee" and about ten more will join in like cats in an alleyway.

Now, in addition to the distant sound of cars driving along the road behind our house, I can hear a frog. A throaty, chirpy, froggy frog. Well hop on back to the creek, kid. I am not in the mood for your serenade.