ghost goats

Would you rather scare a sheep or tip a cow? -Shane

I feel like I should respond to this question with some form of indignation and a plug for my crusade for animal rights. But I can't.

I love animals. Especially in barbecue sauce.

So, to answer your question, Shane, I would rather chase a goat. Not just any old goat, though. This kind:

Discovery Channel went through some kind of phase a while ago where this creature was on all of their shows. And by "all" I mean Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters. Which are the only shows that really matter, anyway. From my TV viewing expertise, I learned that these goats stiffen when frightened and "faint." Shepherds typically include one or two of these babies in their herd so that if the flock is ever chased by a ravenous wolf or other such beast, this guy tips over and bears its wrath. This is also where the term "scape goat" comes from. So there you go.

I hate goats. Their eyes are bulbous and penetrating and give me the feeling that they are simultaneously peering into my soul and staring at a fly on its own back. Creepy. So any chance I could get to tip one over would be extremely satisfying. Except it would mean actually entering a pen of goats. No thanks.