qna

It worked!

What exactly is your job going to consist of? How do you like your eggs? If you could go anywhere in the world dressed like any animal, where/what would it be and why? -Jenna

wow. That is a actually quite a few questions. Which I deeply appreciate. You have accomplished this assignment beautifully, Jenna. I am going to respond to these one at a time, instead of all simultaneously (if you are wondering, THAT answer is "donknscsufinlhare." Which just doesn't make any sense).

• My job- well, isn't that a mystery. I will know more after our orientation tomorrow morning, but for now, my understanding is that I will be supervising small children skip through a cavalcade of glorified sprinklers known as a "splash park" at a city park, hopefully while wearing an important-looking t-shirt and sporting a whistle around my neck like all the pros do. And I will also get to sell concessions out of an air-conditioned hut and disappoint approximately 12 kids per hour with the response: "no, we don't sell Dip n' Dots anymore." Oh, and I get to run birthday parties!
  

• eggs. An important issue. I like my eggs scrambled, usually. My dad makes them with bacon pieces cooked inside sometimes. This is delicious. He originally called them boyscout eggs, because apparently when you're camping (like a boyscout) it's easiest just to cook everything together. Sometime between brownies and junior girl scouts I convinced him to change the name to "scout eggs" because it was a gender neutral term and therefor less sexist. Sexism and breakfast are not a good combo. Like Oreos and orange juice. Or country music and 80's-style workout montages. Just doesn't work.

• Final question! I would stay far away from Tokyo, I'll tell you that much. They have those weird furry fetishists... Hmm. I would disguise myself as a bear and hide by the Vienna sausages at the grocery store. And by hide, I mean just stand there. Can you imagine how many people I could save by scaring them away from such a hideous processed meat project? At least 8.

What Star Wars planet would you most want to live on? -Marca

• According to Tom Scott's Star Wars weather forecaster, it is currently "like Tatooine out there!" Big surprise. I would definitely not live on Tatooine. Two suns? REALLY, Tatooine? Also, I don't look very good in oatmeal/sand colors.
  

• I would live on Alderaan. I know what you're thinking "WHAT? That place BLEW UP!" I know. Hear me out. It was apparently very beautiful and peaceful when Leia lived there, you know, before it was blasted by the Death Star. They also had some spunk, rebelling against the Galactic Alliance. Plus, I would place a bunch of bets on how long the planet would last and then win all kinds of money because I would escape with all the rich people before the planet blows up and point and say "See? 5:00 on Wednesday. Cough it up." Then I would move to Naboo. But I would stay the eff away from the Gungans because they are all super annoying.
  

This was fun! More questions, please!