Tuesday, June 8, 2010

ficitonal characters: a response

OK, my roommate posted a list of fictional marriageable characters on her blog. I laughed for a long long time, mostly because I agreed with her choices (mostly) but also because I remembered a similar list I made with my friends.

Lucky for you, I was going through a Princess Diaries phase at the time and wrote it all down.

I'll set the scene:
It's a Friday night. My friends and I have decided to stay up for 30 straight hours, inspired by the 30-hr famine sponsored by the FCA at our school. We had decided not sleeping was way easier than not eating, and we were bored. Mind, we had woken up early that morning for school and we were burnt out from life the way most freshmen in high school are. You know, growing and whining and stuff.
Eager to pass the time without drowsing, we decide to make a list of hot fictional characters and record it in the journal I had taken to chronicling my pathetic fourteen year old life in. here it is, word for word:

"Ginny's house
2:11 AM 3/11/05
This is teh wonderful Kala!
  1. Westley, cause he's got a mask and doesn't have a last name...
  2. DRACO MALFOY CUZ HE'S FREAKING HOT [editor's note: Kala's input]
  3. Ender Wiggin, cuz he's all smart and stuff [Ginny/Mallory]
  4. Peter Wiggin, cuz he's a hot genius guy [G,M]
  5. Harry Potter- too cool to need a reason (almost too sexy for this list)
  6. Holden Caufield, cuz he's funny
  7. MERCUTIO- IS DEFINITELY TOO SEXY FOR THIS LIST! [apparently we had just read Romeo and Juliet]
  8. Michael Moscowitz, cuz he's HOTT and loves Star Wars
  9. Luke Skywalker, he's the shizz
  10. Patrick, he made out with Macaulay Culkin [this is a reference to the bloopers from the movie Saved. nerds to the core]
  11. Macaulay Culkin, he's a beast. enough said. [Saved]
  12. WOLVERINE- king of beasts and he'splayed by Hugh J.
  13. Captain Seamus, cuz HE'S GOT A MAGIC BAG OF POTATOES. [honestly, I have no idea what this is about. Possibly artwork on my "I <3 Nerds" purse]
  14. Meatwad- cuz he's like...meaty and waddy.
  15. Master Snape- cuz he's hilarious
  16. APOLLO, CUZ HE'S THE SHIZ [...? Mythology shoutout?]
  17. Professor Lupin- James Potter- Sirius Black- Need I say more?
  18. Wiggit- OMG [?]
  19. Tain- if he were human, he'd probably be hot [no idea- a Yahoo search brought up this]
  20. Danny Zuko
  21. FERRIS BEULLER (needs no reason) [this was huge and also had excited sparks coming off of it]
  22. Marty McFly- cuz he drives a cool car
  23. SNOOPY- he's cooler than his owner
  24. Rafiki- WTF
  25. That guy from Mulan [Shang]- cuz he's hot...in an Asian commando sort of way
  26. Aragorn- totally KOOL
  27. Michael Vaughn- he's hot...and has a gun [clearly my input]
  28. Seth Cohen- cool dork
  29. PEDRO- he's like...Mexicaney
  30. Sir Ulrich Von Lichtenstein- cuz he's hot.
  31. Homer Hickam- Donnie Darko- JAKE G!!!
  32. George of the Jungle- because he wears a loincloth [hee hee]
  33. GARY- cuz he's a PIMP
  34. Rusty Ryan- ate through the entire movie and didn't gain a poooooouuund...
  35. Mario- he's a hott digital Italian plumber
  36. The Napster- he can get you green lights all the way down... [hahaha Italian Job]
  37. Leopold- the whole English thing is pretty cool...
  38. The Baron- voiced by Cary Elwes [Miyazaki's The Cat Returns]
need we say more? oh, teh hottness! It's almost unbearable."

Hope you enjoyed that, Internet.


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  3. By the way I just fail at condensing, so I deleted my previous comments to just put them into one.

    I was trying to organize my blog entries and somehow deleted my list. Ok...I did it on purpose as I was slightly embarassed about the whole thing after reading your comment. I couldn't tell whether you were amused or were embrassed for me. Of course, after seeing this post I think you were more amused. (I also realized I need to stop being so insecure about silly things that are meant to be amusing. And I remembered your post all about David Boreanaz from last summer, haha. So I did repost it, but this was all just a long winded way of saying I read your comment on my post and meant to reply to it but instead decided to be stupid become all weird and insecure.

    Now on to your post. It was actually Princess Diaries that gave me the idea as I'd been rereading it recently. Plus, I was tired of all the ridiculous oogling over unworthy fictional characters like Edward Cullen and wanted to provide some better examples haha.

    However, that list blows mine wayyyyyyyyyyy out of the water.

    Though I am concerned that a lot of them aren't human.

  4. Ah this is so great! I made a list like this too, but alas, it is locked away in storage along with most of my family's possessions. Most of mine and my friends' consisted of Lord of the Rings characters rather than HP though. I am still in love with Ferris Bueller. And a lot of other people on this list (Jake Gyllenhaal, ftw). The Peter Wiggin thing is a little concerning though-- didn't he torture woodland animals for fun and stuff? I am very amused by this though, and Marca, I'll have to take a look at yours next :).